Lagniappe: Pet Rant

Here is an email sent to a colleague, Alan Beck, an internationally known authority on human-animal interaction.

Dr. Beck, are you blind? You actually think pets "love" us "unconditionally"? What a load!! It's all about the food! DUH! Dogs are subservient instinct driven animals that suck up to the food provider. And they can turn on us as well. What about the pit bulls that mauled a boy to death? Where was the looovve? You should be slamming the pet pampering fad, not be accepting of it. Children are starving in Niger, and Americans are pampering stupid dogs with designer clothing, human-grade food, spa treatment, massages, and vitamin-enhanced bottled water!! What a DISGRACE!! What a total waste of money. Do you turn a blind eye to human suffering? Do you even CARE about people in the Sudan or other parts of Africa? There is NO way to justify buying useless crap for pets. NO justification at all. You are a jack-ass if you think the animal deserves it because it gives "unconditional love". Most of these pet owners who pamper their dogs are self-centered snobs. "It's all about me and my dog" is their mentality. Losers. Another sap-ass who thought the "human animal" bond was real was that Treadwell guy who got mauled to death and eaten by a bear in Alaska. What an idiot. He thought the bears appreciated his love for them. I dare you to go up to a poverty-stricken person and look them in the eye and say "dogs deserve $29,000 jeweled collars and $700 designer sweaters and chef-prepared meals, and day care, and the best of everything." I DARE YOU, YOU PET FREAK.