Deficit Spending

Input: Won award as outstanding "faculty fellow**" at the residence hall where I have only been associated for one year. Got certificate, pen, paperweight, various other items, and a mug with candy in it.

Output: While chewing on candy, broke tooth, thus necessitating a visit tomorrow to dentist (aka Wallet Vacuumer) for perhaps a $1300 crown.

As my brother's father-in-law, in his 90s and just now declining, says about aging and deteriorating health, "Whaddya gonna do?"

**Euphemism for "mostly staff program" as most faculty at places like Purdue don't spend much time with undergraduates.